Thursday, December 7, 2017

Mysteries of the Alignment Planes

So I was thinking – there are no alignments in BFRPG, which is cool, I like that. There are no alignments in real life, right? The same dude is capable of both despicable acts and selfless sacrifice, it's this strange human condition, but whatever. I still want demons and devils in my game. I want those weird Levant angels that are all wings and eyes and on fire and shit. So imagine this – ages ago, when trilobites were the dominant species on Earth, the Demiurge decided to separate order from chaos and evil spirits from the good ones. So he went to the Crystal Dragon Jesus mountain and meditated there for seven days and eight nights and then he came back and announced to the young world that he came up with this new spell. This magnificent spell so powerful, that only he – the most powerful god – can cast it. And the spell was called DETECT ALIGNMENT And the soldiers of order were like "yeah, right on, Demiurge!", but some other spirits were like "no, dude, that's an awful idea, life's more complicated then that", but the Demiurge was like "SILENCE, HERETICS OF CHAOS. I WILL MAKE THE UNIVERSE GREAT" and he casts the spell. The spell goes off and identifies a group of spirits as lawful evil. The Demiurge exiles them to Hell. Other spirits are identified as chaotic evil, off you go to the Abyss. The neutral aligned spirits are cast off to Earth (where they bring magical, supernatural elements to the planet) and all the lawful good guys stay in the newly named Heaven. Or Arcadia. Or whatever. Demiurge is very happy with himself and a bit tired from all this spell casting and decides that he will now retreat for an eon or two to his Hot Tub of Rejuvenation, but promises that he will come back shortly to check if everything's cool. Eventually he comes back. When he left the lawful good plane was full of those boring deva aasimar creatures that he liked very much. But after all this time they're all gone, there are only a few of (possibly inbred) stark raving mad angels, that look like they're all eyes and wings and they're on fire. And some of them are wheels? They're those crazy Dead Sea scrolls/Book of Enoch angels. And the Demiurge is like "OH SHIT" but before doing anything he takes a look at Earth, where all the neutral spirits were exiled to and he sees Melnibonean elves hunting first primates for sport and earth elementals teaching gnomes how to forge magic radioactive weapons and he's losing his shit now. He checks on Hell and of course those guys are doing great in a Third Reich kind of way. The orgy he gets a glimpse of in the Abyss terrifies him so he says "I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE" and then adds somewhat less confidently "B-BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL BE BACK SOON, I'LL FIGURE THIS OUT, JUST CHILL OUT, I'LL BE BACK, I'M GONNA FIX THIS, PEACE, SEE YOU SOON, BYE" and he vanishes. And he's never been seen again.